The Gift of Rejection
The pain of rejection may not feel like a gift, but what it teaches you is invaluable.
To experience rejection, you first must have had hope, your heart was set on something or someone. We only feel rejected when we are hoping for acceptance. Rejection breaks our hope and can shatter our hearts. But in this breaking, something powerful can be born.
So, how can rejection be a gift?
Let me share my story, and perhaps you'll begin to see rejection from my perspective.
Growing up, my mother told me that she never wanted children. This was due to the difficulties she faced in her upbringing. After my father died, she found a new boyfriend, but I never liked him. One day, when my mother was away, he abused me—and this abuse continued for years.
When I finally gathered the courage to tell my mother, she had him arrested. But after three years, she brought him back into our home, and the abuse began again.
Twice, at ages 9 and 11, I wanted to end my life. My mother, indifferent to my suffering, chose him over me repeatedly. She even kicked me out because I was attending church and participating in church activities.
These experiences left deep scars of rejection. Even now, at 30 years old, when I speak with my mother about those times, she blames me, saying that, the abuse wouldn’t have happened if I had "kept my legs closed." I came to realize my mother was a narcissist. Despite her lack of apology, I’ve forgiven her. Though we aren't close, I still care for her from a distance.
Rejection teaches us to believe the lie that we aren’t good enough, that we aren’t worthy. But it also prepares us for something better in the future. That very field in which you were left out can become your training ground—and that's for your good.
The reason we feel so much pain is that we focus on those who have left us, instead of those who have remained. Stop fixating on the ones who walked away or declared you unworthy. Instead, remember that God has marked you with purpose long before the foundation of the world was laid. Your purpose is never dependent on those who leave.
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Here Are Four Concrete Gifts of Rejection
1. Rejection Positions You for Purpose.
Look at 1 Samuel 16:14-19. Rejection can position you to be found by those you wouldn’t think would be looking for you. When you live in God’s will, rejection is redirection. When a door closes, ask God what He is directing you toward.
2. Rejection Reveals People's Roles in Your Life.
There are two types of people: those who are attached to you for personal gain, and those who are assigned to help you fulfill your destiny. When someone who isn’t meant for you exit your life, it’s like the trash taking itself out. We must resist the temptation to chase after it. Rejection helps you discern who truly belongs in your life, showing you that your future isn’t contingent on those who don’t support you.
3. Rejection Anchors Your Identity.
People’s opinions are as changeable as the tides. Don’t let others define who you are; let God’s calling shape you. You can have everything, perfectgrades, marriage, career and people will still criticize you. So live for the approval of God alone. Don’t internalize rejection as shame. Shame says, "You are the mistake." But in truth, you are not defined by your mistakes; you are a learner, growing and developing through each experience.
4. Rejection Draws You Closer to God.
Instead of looking inward and blaming yourself, look upward. Ask God what He wants to do with you. Let rejection bring you to a place of prayer, worship, repentance, and forgiveness—not bitterness. Through this process, you’ll gain more faith, love, maturity, and compassion than you had before.
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How to Open and Overcome Rejection
Rejection will either make you better or bitter, it’s up to you.
To overcome rejection, see it as a training ground.
1. Observe: Reflect on how you feel. Are you sad or humiliated? What are you thinking, and what beliefs are you agreeing with?
2. Pause and Pray: Let the Spirit of God speak to you.
3. Explore: Consider what lessons you can learn from this situation.
4. Name Your Next Step: Decide what your next step will be to get it right next time.
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Rejection can shatter you if you don’t open it and learn from it.
This was inspired by Nona Jones' teaching, The Gift of Rejection. This is just a glimpse of her book, The Gift of Rejection, which comes out in October. Be sure to pre-order it, and I promise you’ll gain a whole new perspective on rejection.
